a christmas blog post

So this is probably going to end up being really goofy and sappy but ‘tis the season, right?

Last night was the annual Christmas Eve candlelight service at the good old First Christian Church. While sitting there, seriously considering drawing on a Piddle Pad*, I got to thinking about some things. First of all, when did I and all these people grow up? Agh!
Looking around the sanctuary that I grew up in, it’s hard to believe all the things that have transpired within my and my church family’s lives while I was there and since I’ve left. It’s almost like some weird space time continuum where the surroundings are completely the same (or very similar) but most of the people have drastically changed since the last time I saw them.
Seeing all these people again reminds me of how much they have made an impact on my life, though I may not see it every day. I know it was like pulling teeth for my mother to drag me out of bed and get me to church (especially in my high school years), but I’m glad she did. Whether or not it was in a religion-related way, I know the whole experience helped to make me the person that I am today. A good portion of my childhood occurred at that church or with people I attended it with and I’m grateful to have all the memories and stories that come from it.

Another thing I started to think about is regret. In a way, it’s sad that at the age of 21, I already have so many regrets. It also motivates me to continue to live my life in the way that I see fit and keep myself happy. Throughout my life, I’ve always succumbed to whatever everyone else wanted to do and sacrificed my happiness in order to keep all other parties happy. I’ve always been aware that I do this but I’m finally realizing at just how much it wears on my own happiness. I think I sacrifice what I want to do in order to hold on to friendships but I end up losing those relationships because I give up and get tired of it. In healthy relationships, there has got to be a balance. That’s why my only resolution for this coming year is to stop doing that and to start living my life like I want to instead of watching opportunities pass me by.

So on that note, it’s time to start weighing some pros and cons and deciding who I am and where I want to be. And what better way to kick that off than by watching It’s A Wonderful Life on Christmas afternoon? :)

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and beautiful, fattening, family-filled, fun holidays! 

*Piddle Pads are pieces of paper constructed to keep children entertained during a church service instead of disrupting it. On the contrary, I think they might have helped add to our disruptiveness.